It is waking up to find a love is long gone. It is the memories that were once fresh as day, now blurred by the greyed skies and missing stars, have faded to dusty pieces of Michelangelo’s puzzle. It is the moment we turn to find what was once there, real, perfect, sitting just behind us, is now missing. It is the stalled heart beats, hoping for a reason to pick up pace and rediscover their purpose. Impermanence is the understanding that nothing is forever.
The earth demands our acknowledgement, forces us to touch her softly and appreciate her beauty. Why does she work in such beguiling ways? Why does she give and take and hurt and heal? Why does she force her decisive opinion upon us, make us agree to what she has settled upon, convince us to live just as she had planned.
It never ends, but the end will come, soon or late, now or then, and overwhelm us with the immediacy of it all. With the realization that we are but one grain of sand resting alongside the vast ocean. The tides bring beautiful new shards of glass, taking with them the ones who have had their fair share of sunlight. Or less than. But somehow, somehow, we are left, in the wake, under the glittering moonlight, with nothing but ourselves, each other, and the dark, blistering, blinding night.
What is lost is lost forever, in the endless, beautiful blue seas. If we take the plunge, go searching, asking for reasons and answers, will we find what we are looking for? Will she show us the light at the bottom of the beautiful mess, give us purpose to beg for air, land, freedom? Will she guide us towards the predetermined path, or will she spit us back out, force us to find strength, discover meaning, push forward on our own, explore new trails, set our own footsteps in the ever changing soil.
Does she know what she has done to us? Does she feel the weight of her resolve, as we feel, pinning us down and keeping us from believing, from dreaming, from being. Does she snicker at us as we struggle, knowing full well that with time all wounds will heal, leaving scars that make us fight harder, think bigger, live stronger. Why does she not leave us a note with a simple explanation, a simple reason for her decision, a one word answer with a squiggly little signature that she was aware, she was once there, she was purposeful in her ways, and we can go on.
We cannot go on, but we must. Pain killers; laughter, sunlight, stories, memories, poems, beauty, will dull the hurt. Heal the open cuts. Bring us together and push us apart when the time is right. She knows what she has done. We know what she has done.
We will absolve her of her crime, in due time. But for now, we take our space, our time, our heavy heavy hearts, and we search in vain for the trail between the trees that will lead us forward, lift our spirits, and let his soul live within us.
In loving and sweet precious memory of Manish Lohani. A passionate, silly, courageous, affectionate young man, loving son & brother, and devoted friend. Keep smiling, keep laughing, and keep living…within us all.
In inspired memory of my hero, a visionary, and a true disruptor, Mr. Steve Jobs. You continue to light the path I hope to follow. Thank you.
In precious sweet memory of my little brother, Neil Lal. May you dance with reckless abandon in the skies above us now that you’ve found your peace within.